I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
