we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
