from now on my penis is your penis
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
