omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
