They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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