The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
