How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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