he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
