Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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