he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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