Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
