wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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