I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
