i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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