I feel like I'm in dance class right now
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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