And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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