Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
