unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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