You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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