I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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