every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I forget how to act sober
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
