D3 body, D1 cock
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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