I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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