I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
