You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
