when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
