I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
