so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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