i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
