My cat gives me a boner
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have fence marks all over my body
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
