dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
