Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
