naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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