after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
