she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
