You're so nebulous sometimes
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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