More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
