she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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