We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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