Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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