Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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