what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
