porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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