Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drake has all the answers
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
