Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
