Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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