Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
