One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
