Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
