I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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