fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
